The Lesson of Toby About Separation

      “Just walk away,” I told Roy. “No farewells. Don’t look back. Just walk out of here.”

      My friend Malu has a clever way of dealing with her dog, Happy, so he will not suffer from separation anxiety. In the mornings while she and her daughter are preparing to leave for work, Happy is being prepared too. He is brushed, given his meal, fitted his collar, and leashed. When Malu and her daughter walk out the house towards the car, Happy walks out with them too. Then the maid veers the dog  off in the opposite direction for his daily morning walk. While Happy is a distance away, Malu and her daughter drive off in the other direction. There are no farewells between the dog and his mistresses. The dog doesn’t experience any separation.

      Separation anxiety is often the underlying cause behind many dog behavioral problems at home. Many owners don’t realize it is simply because their beloved pet is upset at being separated from them. Trainers are called and are unsuccessful in eradicating the behavior. When the master comes home and sees the path of destruction caused by his dog he is greeted by the culprit ecstatic at the reunion.But the master, not as happy, renders punishment instead. This throws his pet into confusion. He is happy at his master's return but his master is mad at him. For what? In time the happy dog becomes fearful, not knowing what to expect. 

      The next time the dog is locked alone in the house again, the damage continues and pools of urine and animal poo litter the floors. The master returns and punishes the dog upon seeing the wreckage and the dog learns to fear the arrival of his master. But later, his master will call him for a cuddle and maybe for a walk in the park. The dog is now in confusion. Are good times back again?
      Not at all. The next day as the master tries other methods (locking the dog in the yard, chaining him, or confining him to a cage, etc.) the hapless dog's anxiety makes him display new problematic behavior such as making holes in the garden, barking or howling all day, destroying the flowerbed, etc.         
      The problem refuses to ease up as the master exacts one disciplinary action after another on a confused dog. Finally, the dog ends up being given away. Total separation.

A black Lab waits expectantly for his master to come back.

      I've heard owners suspect their dog was exacting vengeance on them because of an earlier scolding -- or that the dog was seeking attention because of neglect. That would apply if the dog was human. But he is canine -- a different specie.  

      Dogs, whom we often hear of as "pack animals" are not solitary creatures and cannot live alone. Separated from his master or family and left alone, a dog will whine, cry, and bark – natural reactions he used to do to bring his mother to him. But being an adult he can do more: he can dig, scratch the door or window, chew at the fence or whatever it is that holds him back, climb the bookcase or furniture, mutilate the plants, defecate and urinate in inappropriate places (such as the family’s new Persian carpet), or seek escape to try to rejoin his family.

      That was how my second Dalmatian named Toby, came into our lives.

      I first saw the dog as a 4-month old puppy when his master, Roy, came to visit our dog school at a local park. Toby had big feet which he flopped sideways awkwardly, a movement which dog trainers in our company called “East-West.” It seemed the dog was living in a comfortable home with shiny but slippery floors. Toby needed to walk on solid earth more often to strengthen his foot muscles and straighten out his walk.

      This gave Roy good reason to take his pet out to the park on weekends for long walks. But as Roy spent his Saturday mornings at the dog school and revealed bits of his life at his home, we could see that his beloved dog was causing friction in the family. Roy’s wife, fond of beautiful but fragile Thai home décor, was often infuriated by Toby’s rowdiness around the house. The dog was always smashing or crashing into something valuable.

      I told Roy their house was not pet-friendly. “Get rid of your breakables,” I advised him. “If you must insist on displaying them, put them up high. You have a Dalmatian – a high energy dog. If it doesn’t get the exercise it needs it’s a jumping time bomb!”

      But Toby’s emotional turmoil was never understood whenever Roy left him behind. One night, the family decided to go out to dinner and locked the dog alone inside the house. In their absence, Toby released his fear and frustration of being left behind and turned the house into his personal bathroom by urinating and defecating everywhere, broke valuable china and glass décor, even attempted to follow his owners by climbing out a window and crashing down the TV set in the process. When his family came home that night Toby got exiled – literally. 

This is Toby -- at the time of his exile in 2007

      Roy delivered 8-month old Toby to our dog school the next day, asking if I would like to adopt him. I consented, being a lover of the breed. But as Roy prepared to leave, we had to plan his departure carefully. I had seen Roy visit us every Saturday morning, the dog sticking close to him, unable to socialize with the other dogs there. Toby was very dependent on his master for his personal security. How would he feel if he found out his beloved master was giving him away?

      “Just walk away,” I told Roy. “No farewells. Don’t look back. Just walk out of here.”

      While we distracted Toby with play, his now former master walked out. Toby didn’t seem to notice it.

      I brought the dog home where he immediately enjoyed his new family immensely because he finally had playmates. His new life kept him busy. I never saw the dog pine away at a door or window looking for Roy.  

       Every weekend after that I’d bring Toby to the park where Roy would visit him. Roy would bring him a new red collar, a kilo of his favorite bananas, and other gifts. The two would walk around the park to bond. Then Roy would return Toby to the dog school. While we distracted Toby with a run around the agility course, Roy would leave quietly.        

      Before our dog school at the park closed the following year, Roy gave Toby one last visit. The two walked around the park then returned to the school where Roy tied Toby to a post and informed us he was leaving. But that was a busy Saturday morning and there were many students. Somehow, Toby was not immediately tended to and Roy, tired of waiting, turned and walked out the school grounds. He was already a distance away when Toby managed to loosen his leash and pursued his master down the lane, greeting Roy ecstatically upon being reunited with him, expecting to go home with his (former) master. Roy calmly picked up his dragging leash and walked him back to the school where one of the marshalls took him for an exercise. While Toby’s back was turned Roy walked away again.

      I watched the dog when he was returned back to the post where he had last seen Roy. I saw Toby turn his head in all directions as if to say, “Huh? Where did my master go? He was here a minute ago.”

Toby touches Roy lovingly. He didn't understand that Roy had given him away already.

      But that’s as far as it went. At closing time Toby climbed inside the car along with Spot to go live in his new home with us and his new packmates without looking back.

      It was Toby who made us aware of what happens when a dog suffers from separation anxiety. His first family threw him out because of it. Almost all dogs suffer from this agony and they cope with it in their own doggy way. Before Spot came into our lives we had a Boxer named Butchie Boy. I remember leaving him inside the house leashed while I stepped out for an errand. Everybody was out so Butchie Boy would be literally left by himself. I thought of keeping him tied so should he think of answering nature’s call it would be controlled in just one area. My mistake. When I arrived, I saw that Butch had somehow reached my computer and had chewed all its cables in half.

      We’ve had our own share of horrors in the past with growing dogs in our midst and we’ve developed our own ways of helping minimize this anxiety which they feel when separated from us.

      One of the most common ways we do should we ever leave the dogs alone is to leave a radio turned on to a relaxing music station. Dogs wait patiently for their family’s return and a quiet house seems to make all small sounds louder, adding to their anxiety. A voice in the street, a neighbor’s door banging, a creaking branch in the wind, etc all cause them to worry and bark nervously. Music covers all these disturbing sounds and keeps them calm.

      Another rule we observe is that we do not bid the dogs goodbye. They may see all the signals of a departure and that is enough. So we do not bid them farewell.

      On days that I may spend a few days out of town, I do not let Spot sleep alone in my room. He has another alternative: I send him to sleep with Dominic. Dominic takes him on his twice daily walks and Spot guards his time with Dominic jealously. So a night or two in Dominic’s room assures the dog an early morning walk upon their awakening.

A buddy can help chase your dog's blues away.

      When Spot had his first flight via cargo to attend an agility trial in the south, I added to his kennel box a used t-shirt and blanket which carried all the smells of his home and family here. I followed two weeks later and when we saw each other, Spot didn’t overreact. He just wondered where I’ve been all that time. Inside his kennel box was still the used t-shirt and blanket. He slept with those every night during those two weeks he was away from us.

      There are no set and hard rules on how to console your dog from his agony of separation from you. From Happy going out for his own “appointment” while his mistress goes out on hers, to Spot traveling miles away with a smelly t-shirt and blanket packed in his kennel box – all these minimize the dog’s agony of realizing he is apart from his pack family. As long as your method comforts your pet and keeps him from unleashing his unhappiness around him, you’ve gained a step further in understanding your canine companion better.

      That’s another triumph of pet parenting.

Dogs Suffer From Separation Anxiety

Packy is attached to our maid Lourdes. Here he waits for her to come back after she stepped out for an errand.

      These are the things dog owners do not see when they walk out that door and leave their furry pet behind

      He looked so cute, a small Dalmatian puppy with big awkward feet, sitting by the doorway watching me prepare to leave for work. My little dog Spotty was watching the usual morning ritual.

      When I moved to another room in the house I noticed the dog suddenly performed the “Heel” command with no leash. He had been going to obedience school lately and at home, when I’d try the “Heel” command on him our teamwork wasn’t smooth. But that morning as I moved from room to room the dog walked by my side in a manner that would’ve been praised by dog trainers.

      Finally, as I stood before the mirror for a last look, I saw the little spotted  dog at the doorway to my room, his knees trembling. Huh? What was he afraid of? Or was it just a draft in the doorway?

      I was such an obsessed employee then. I was in media and the work was always demanding but exciting. I’d come home late at night, tumble into bed, wake up in the morning with deadlines on my mind, rush to leave, and fly out the door with a two-word  farewell to my elderly father who sat in the living room reading the papers.

      But ever since that new dog came into my life – I’d spend more time bidding it farewell. I’d cup his puppy face in my hands, remind him to be good while I was gone, and promise I’d be back with maybe a treat so wait for me.

      As this farewell ritual repeated itself every morning, the dog started to avert his gaze. He’d lower his head and I’d struggle to bring it up so I could see his face. But he’d lower it even more. With the household help watching in amusement, we’d joke that the dog seems to have picked up some melodramatic behavior.    Finally, because the dog insists on keeping his head lowered and eyes averted, I’d bid my farewell, get up on my feet and drive off to work.

      The dog was exhibiting separation anxiety. But I was new then to the care of dogs. I didn’t know Spotty’s agony every morning was to see me leaving him behind.

      It is a sad fact of life to learn that dogs live, what the British canine psychologist John Fisher called, a “compressed life.” Dogs age at an average of 8-10 years faster than humans. The dog owner has not yet fully understood how to housebreak their new puppy when, before they know it, their pet is already an adolescent. There is a lot of catching up to do for the owner in this next stage of life but their pet ages quickly then lo and behold -- the dog has become a mature adult. Then a few years later, he’s a senior pet.

Spotty at his 5th birthday party.

      Dog owners, therefore, have a lot of reading and studying to do once a dog enters their lives.

      Unfortunately, I learned about separation anxiety three years later. It was the birthday of one of my peers and I found a wonderful book about dogs at a bookstore. The book was on sale so I bought two. The book delved on the many common problem behaviors of dogs for the owner’s understanding. One chapter talked about Separation Anxiety.

      Separation anxiety is born from the dog’s nature as a pack animal; he is a social creature. They don’t thrive being alone. The impact of this meaning came to me when I was at a pet mall in Pasay City. I saw the love birds, busily chattering and filling the air with their merry noise. These were caged by the dozens. I was shopping for a canary. Where were the canaries? These brightly colored yellow birds were found in a quiet area of the pet shop, away from the noisy love birds -- one cage each.

      Canaries are solitary creatures. Unlike the love birds, canaries do better alone. 

      When we see that, we can understand better what it means when the dog is sometimes described as a  "pack animal." Dogs thrive in social groups; it is not in their nature to be solitary creatures. So when a dog sees signs of his master about to leave him behind, his agony starts. He cannot ask his master where he is going and when he will be back. All the dog sees is that there will be a separation; he will be alone, something contrary to his nature.

      If the master could read the anxious signals, he may see his dog sitting in the doorway, hopefully to block his master’s exit. The dog may follow him around in the effort to keep his master within sight. He may tremble, salivate, lick his lips, yawn, or paw at his master.

      But soon, the departure occurs and his master walks away. When that happens, life now ceases to be normal for the dog. The dog will sit by the window all day, climb on the roof to watch for his master’s car to return, or worse, try to escape to follow and rejoin his master.

      Spot was lucky in the sense that when I’d leave him in the morning, my elderly father and household staff were there to keep him company. He had other canine friends there too. So he did not feel totally isolated or abandoned.

      But the dog suffered his separation from me, regardless. One night, I decided to visit friends and came home past midnight. I had a maid who told me that Spot, expecting to see me arrive at my usual time, paced around the house the next succeeding hours waiting for me and refusing to retire to his bed. As the night deepened and the whole house was asleep, an anxious little dog sat in the dark in the living room, waiting for me.

      These are the things dog owners do not see when they walk out that door and leave their furry pet behind. It may look cute and touching to know their dog waits for them to come back. But they don’t know the anxiety they put their dog through – and how they prolong it when they break the routine and arrive home later in the night.

Waiting waiting... It seems like dogs do nothing but wait all day.

  

      As I look back, my dog did exhibit the signs of this common behavior problem of canines. But I had made it worse with those dragging farewells! The ritual had all the more confirmed that I was, indeed, leaving him, and this would plunge him to depression as he’d helplessly watch me walk away and drive off.

      But it wasn’t too late yet, wasn’t it? Now a grown dog and probably seeing, in time, that I do come back in the evenings, Spotty doesn’t tremble at the doorway anymore. But I don’t bid him goodbye when I leave. I don’t do any farewells.

      I just walk out.

The Downside of Pet Parenting

Spot as a puppy not yet a year old

      I have to tell you this – pet parents go through this denial earlier. A child is still a kid at 10 years of age but your pet dog at 10 is a senior in his twilight years.

      “Hi Spotty,” my vet greeted him enthusiastically as she came close to the dog sitting in the back of my SUV. I had brought him to the vet clinic for his yearly shots, blood sample, and this time, inflamed gums. She hadn’t seen him all year and was surprised at what she saw. “Oh my,” she observed, looking him over. “His eyes are tearing and his nails are grey, not black anymore. His coat is not even white. Why, Spotty is an old dog!” she exclaimed unbelievingly.

      That last sentence jarred me to reality. Only your vet would say something as honest as that. Spot entered 8 years old only three months ago and maybe because of his exercise-oriented lifestyle the dog remained in good form. And thanks to his white unspotted face, graying hairs were cleverly hidden. Thanks too to his flashy Dalmatian colors, the dog always elicited admiring remarks in public all the time (which never stopped even as he turned 8). And I, his proud pet parent, felt happy that he didn’t look old and senior.

      But on that drizzly October afternoon, a few days after a fight with the feisty Packy, Spot wasn’t in top form and the vet saw his age. His gums developed an inflammation which made his face swollen, rounding out its contours. We made jokes at home that he looked like a bull terrier.

      But after that vet’s remark, reality bit. It was a sad reality. I realized I had been hiding my denial behind the dog’s good physique and coat colors.

      My mind flashed back to those years Spotty was a celebrity dog, always catching the cameras every time he appeared in public. I remembered how he looked the first time I saw him perform at a dog agility trial in General Santos City. He was an instant crowd favorite as he approached the starting line, his highly contrasting colors visible even at a great distance. He was still young then, and he walked on soft white feet against the green grass.

      I remembered the brave trek he did that muggy summer morning joining a protest march against animal cruelty, his placard fastened to his body harness so it stood on his back. That photo went all over the world provided by Reuters, the Associated Press, and other international news syndicates, surprising my sister who saw his photo on the front page of a newspaper tabloid in a café in Germany.

During that protest rally, Spot was known internationally as the "Dalmatian with a placard on his back." In Germany he was front page news, the Germans being a nation of  dog lovers.

       He also made it to the front page of a major local newspaper. When a local pet magazine featured that protest march, they used only two photos: one was a group shot and the other was a solo shot of Spot with his placard.

      When a local animal welfare group borrows him as one of the pet models of their yearly canine fashion show, his entrance on the ramp always ripples the audience. He was unusual, often the only Dalmatian in any event where dogs gather. Photographers would have field day.

      He was always capturing the camera lens that it kept me busy hunting down those newspapers or magazine issues. I had to create a scrapbook because it was happening too often and I noticed the number of clippings was increasing.

      When a television crew covers any pet event and during the few seconds it is aired, a spotted dog always unfailingly crosses the television screen in everybody’s homes. Rare is the event no cameraman or photographer does not notice that flashy Dalmatian.

      So when I started to introduce dog agility in the metro, I had the best possible dog with me to market my efforts. He was lean, agile, smart, and magnetic. He was highly visible in a crowd and doubly appealing because of his breed.

      Now there he was a few years later, an old fading dog and I couldn’t see it. It took my vet to state the fact.

      My senior boy had to have vitamin supplements, eye drops, and extra vitamin C to address the swelling of his gums. He had to take an anti-inflammatory medication too.

      Spotty is finally an old dog.

      All parents must go through this. It is a downside to parenthood. As their children grow and face the world to make a life of their own, many doting parents find difficulty seeing the change. In their mind’s eye, it’s still their boy in short pants or their little girl in her early teens.

      But I have to tell you this – pet parents go through this denial earlier. A child is still a kid at 10 years of age but your beloved pet dog at 10 is a senior in his twilight years.

      I decided to take the positive view to all this. Spotty is one dog whose life I saw move from stage to stage because I personally took care of him. My education with Spot is not yet finished. I saw him move from puppyhood to adolescence, to his celebrity years as an adult, to his retirement from competitive sports; now I will see him enter senior life and watch him live it. His best years were these past 8. I don't know how many more are left. How short is a dog’s life and how short is our enjoyment of him.

      But there will be more things for me to learn about in this last stage of his life.

      Life is still an adventure.

Spot at 8 years and 1 month during a mall tour.